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(This was 1989, and there were no cordless phones in our house.) I was hoping for some privacy, but Dad, an aspiring photographer, chose that moment to test out the softening filter on his camera. Only later did I come to appreciate that he had preserved on film the first time a boy asked me out.

I joined every club he belonged to and trembled when his knee brushed mine under the table, but we never dated.

I sent her a message, and we exchanged phone numbers. When we talked again the next night, she was in another noisy location. After thirty minutes I checked my phone for a text or missed call: nothing. Once, I had woken up in the middle of the night feeling numb from the waist down.

It sounds really loud.” She said she was at a pool hall, playing billiards.

She would retreat into sullen silence in the face of any slight, real or imagined.

I was relegated to tiptoeing around her and the dogs (who, she reminded me, came first), paying the bills, keeping house, and generally accepting the blame for all that was wrong with our relationship.

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Six months into our relationship I sold my house in the city and purchased a spacious country home just for us.

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  1. For this season, He may be asking you to grow in holiness (grow closer to Him) by wrestling with trying to trust Him that He doesn’t make mistakes and that He created you as male or female for a reason.