Smell shirt dating

I plotted to eat nothing too pungent or messy so whoever got my shirt wouldn’t get hot sauce stains and judge me as a slob.

I scheduled yoga instead of cycling, so I wouldn’t get the shirt super grossly pungent from the fear-sweat and rage-crying. Also, none of those aromatic activities actually ended up happening, because I was too busy doing unavoidable errands such as talking to my therapist and answering work emails. I realized I couldn’t fake my way out of it into becoming a naturally beautifully smelling human being — I just didn’t have the time!

It was a potent mixture of cat hair, mothballs, and sweat.

I wondered with dread how long I’d have to endure the stench before I could leave.

I matched with 7 people immediately — I don’t remember clicking "yes" to meeting 7, just 3, but I am less upset and more curious about this fluke in the algorithm. I reverse google’d the ones I could and eliminated some from the blandness of their instagrams (I’m shallow).

This is a sense of victory Tinder has seldom given me. Looking them up illuminated an entirely new profile around their shirt samples.

Speaking from experience, I definitely smell better than testicles I’ve still ended up interested in. I imbued it with leather because I wear leather jackets all the time, and their collars are naturally always mixed in Tom Ford perfumes. I got it sweaty and took it off to drown in the vetiver incense of the room. And then my 10 potential matches came, in little dime bags with sharpied numbers. [I did match with them.] 90 smelled liked someone actually lived in it, and weren’t afraid, like I was. (Sex smell would have been totally fine, too.) The next two smell very similar to me — workout sweat of salt and musk.

I told myself I didn’t need to meet someone in person to recognize the quality of his thoughts.

So, I stayed online instead of hazarding the real world and engaged in lengthy conversations with the guys I liked. Then one fateful dinner date proved my online dating strategy was really very wrong.

My date and I had been chatting for over a month, so I felt like I knew just about everything about him. The moment we met in person, I was utterly repelled by the odor wafting off him.

I fantasized about hanging around my favorite bakery when they were making fresh bread and cannolis, I planned to stand outside a laundromat for two minutes to try to absorb the smell of fresh laundry.

I wanted to walk through every bodega flower market and lean into every jasmine and gardenia, no matter how drunken and shriveled they were from sidewalk neglect.

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Given that I have a spectacularly depressing success rate of matches vs actual communication on Tinder, I figured nothing could really be worse than what is already uneventful. For smell.dating, they require of you a few things: I sent in the money and promptly forgot about it until I got the shirt in the mail. At the same time, a growing body of research suggests that a person's genetic compatibility, gender, age, and predisposition to illness are reflected in their "smell signature." Even in blinded experiments, subjects' smell preferences align broadly with their sexual desires." So my questions then inevitably became: how do I hack this shirt to make sure everyone who smells me falls in love with me?

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